Name: Ivor Thomas City: London, UK Instagram: @iron.cladmensministry
What does being a father mean to you?
For me Its not just about being a father its about being a godly father, as my faith is very important in the way I father and show up for my children. Fatherhood is of the highest priority for me as I see it as a God given privilege and opportunity to be a living example to them. My attitude is to serve them by providing a safe place for them to thrive, providing compassionate guidance, discipline and spiritual values. Being A father also means that I pay attention to their heart, being aware of their needs and aspirations, working with them in the best way for them to achieve their goals and realize their purpose. It’s also a safe place for them to speak and be authentically themselves. I also see fatherhood as fostering a relationship of mutual respect and openness so that they can approach me without fear of judgment. Showing them with love and patience so that they develop into strong, moral and productive individuals. The most important thing is you are bringing them up so in the end that I am equipping them for life.
Describe your experience with your father growing up and how that impacted you today.
My experience with my own father was a good one. What you saw with him was what you got. His behavior was consistent. He wasn’t one way in public and then completely different behind closed doors. He wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable and shared what was challenging for him in life, often sharing stories of how he overcame difficulties in life. So we got to see him stand strong and when he needed support. He wasn’t prideful or had a big ego but was quietly strong and possessed a presence that you noticed when he would walk in a room. He was always supportive of everything I did and at times seemed more excited when I would achieve anything. He showed me the importance of planning for life, with practical things like budgeting and how to conduct myself in relationships, being respectful and not lacking in character and integrity. He demonstrated what it meant to be a masculine man, he cooked, washed clothes and cleaned the house, then he would turn around and build a whole shed scratch. He exuded calmness, and never seemed to be out of control. He managed his emotions carefully as well as his words. How he would speak to us and our mom. He wasn’t violent but just once I saw his strength when someone crossed the line and threatened us. He stood his ground firmly deescalating the situation. He was the first person to teach me self defense but to never be the aggressor. His impact and his lessons stay with me until this day.
What things/tools/gems did you take from your experience growing up into your Fatherhood journey today?
The tools/gems that I took from my experience growing up into my fatherhood journey is to be present and available, being stern enough to teach discipline and cool enough that my kids can approach me without fear. Being able to let them know that I myself make or have made mistakes and share my experiences with them. Seeing them as individuals and being able to find time for each of them. Most importantly to show by example what a relationship with God looks like and that my life should be one of positive impartation to them.
Have you had any obstacles on your fatherhood journey? If so, explain.
One of the obstacles was the breakdown of my marriage. I recall that from a very young age I had already mapped out what my life would look like. It was this idyllic dream of being married and having children. I looked at everything else as a bonus. When that crumbled it brought about a challenge that I had not expected or planned for. It was something I didn’t want my children to see. That I had failed in a very important area of my life that directly impacted them. I had to come to terms with that, forgive myself and lift myself out of self condemnation. I had become functional in the midst of being heart broken and I realized that I still had to be a father. I had to learn to connect deeply with them again as they didn’t ask for what happened between their mom and I. I needed to make sure that they felt safe and loved, that I could still provide the structure and consistency they needed. It was a challenging process. I had to heal while not being bitter about the situation or angry and for a time I was. Unshackling myself from those emotions helped me provide a healthy and stable environment for my children. I had to maintain healthy boundaries and discipline as at times I could overcompensate and be too lenient, In the end I was able to achieve a balance that works but I am still learning as time goes on.
What advice would you give other Fathers on their journey?
My advice would be this to be consistent, don’t promise what you can’t fulfill. Try as much as possible to keep your word, if you don’t apologize and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. Your children are more gracious than you think once you communicate with them and are truthful. Love them and be present in their lives. Spend time and make memories with them. Believe me they will treasure it. Last but not least, tell them you love them as often and as much as you can. Don’t be afraid to say no at times as you are their father and you are supposed to provide wisdom and discipline. So they may be upset with you at times, but they will get over it.
If you could write a quick letter to your father, starting with “Dear Father,” what would you say?
Dear Father,
I am now a first time Author, and I am pursuing what I believe I was called to do just like you said I would. I wish you were here to actually celebrate with me. I miss you, but I know you would have been so proud. I have tried my best to do and implement all that you taught me and I think I have done ok. Writing this brings tears to my eyes as now as I am older I can recall your conversations, hear your voice and feel your excitement. I see you at times in the way my children look and certain things that they do. I remember when I thought you were the best and strongest dad in the world, and you know even when I found out that you had flaws it didn’t matter. Because you were MY Dad.
Love You Forever Dad,
