Being a new parent is often portrayed as something magical, with cuddles and cute milestones on the journey ahead. While there is some truth to that fact, there are also many important facts that are not talked about as much. The truth is, when you have a baby, whether your partner gives birth, you adopt, or have a surrogate, the journey of raising a child is filled with many ups and downs, surprises, and challenges. Many new parents are left unprepared for the challenges and stressors that they will face. This is a blog post that will look at the honest reality of being a parent. These are crucial things people are often told but need to know. The intention here is to help prepare and support you. There are still some beautiful and magical things about being a parent.
#1 Your child’s sleep will change, a lot
One of the biggest things to contend with is the sleeping habits of a new baby. This can be extremely challenging, as you may struggle to get a consistent routine for your baby, or yourself. This can begin to impact the whole household. This can be super tough to navigate. Babies tend to sleep a lot in the beginning, but as they grow, their sleep needs evolve. It is important to learn about your baby and their needs, so you can avoid or at least reduce the frustration. New babies will need several naps throughout the day. This will begin to reduce as they get older. Make sure you look out for signs baby is ready to drop to one nap so you can adjust your schedule and routines accordingly.
#2 The exhaustion lasts longer than you think
This might be something you are a little bit aware of before you have a baby. Sleepless nights are normal and extremely common, but the long exhaustion that comes as a result of this is not often discussed. Many parents are just expected to deal with it, but that can be really tough as it begins to impact your mental health, physical health, relationships, home dynamics, and more. The first few months are extremely tough, but these sleep challenges and disruptions can often go beyond just infancy. Babies will develop their own sleep habits, with the support of their parents and the routines that are put in place, and depend on how things like their needs are met and how you soothe them.
Creating routines around bedtimes can be really helpful for babies, as it promotes good sleep hygiene. Be patient with any routines that you try to implement. Consistency is key, and while it can be stressful and overwhelming, it will eventually get better if you continue to show up.
#3 A constant balancing act
Being a parent will feel like a constant balancing act, that isn’t always going to be in balance. It is really easy to focus all your energy on your baby, but what no one tells you is that life as a parent requires some delicacy and consideration. Your family, your partner, your relationships, your social life, your work, and your personal interests all should still matter to you. It will feel impossible to juggle them all though.
Communication is really vital with your partner. This is the first starting point to consider. Take time to discuss your personal needs, including time for things like rest, relaxation, and date nights. Split up your tasks as much as possible, so you can share the physical and mental load together and really build on that teamwork dynamic. Remember it is okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it. Even if it is you and your partner together, you don’t have to do it all alone.
#4 You’ll question everything
Whether it is about breastfeeding, sleep training, self-soothing or your child’s development… every parent will question their choices at some point. This is totally normal and is okay. It does not make you a bad parent. No one talks about how common it is to doubt yourself, and then how that doubt makes you feel.
This is where it is important to trust your instinct. You are doing the best you can. Advice and support can be really helpful, but it is also important to balance this with your own instincts when it comes to your child’s needs. Every child in the world is going to be different and have different needs. You are going to spend the most time with your baby and will be able to pick up on signs on what they need. Don’t be afraid to follow your own path and ask for support when you need it. This can often mean going against the general norm for some things, which can add another layer of challenge to being a parent.
#5 Your relationships will change
When you have a baby, the dynamic of your relationship will change. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad, and sometimes in unexpected ways. While parenthood can bring you closer together it can also introduce stress that affects things like communication and intimacy, which are really key to a good relationship.
Where possible, try to take time for each other on a regular basis. Even if it is just a few minutes of meaningful conversation after the baby goes to bed. Don’t neglect the physical or emotional connection that you and your partner have together, especially during a time of stress and challenge. Make sure you are both supported and have your own needs met. Consider how you can work together to make the life that you want to live and how you can work on challenges together.
There are going to be many hardships as a new parent, there is no doubt about it. Despite the hardships, there is nothing quite like the happiness you will feel when you see your child grow and develop. This is what makes it all worth it. Consider the challenges and prepare for them, but don’t forget to enjoy the moment.
