If you are a man who has felt insecure for years, you may feel like you’ve tried everything to boost your confidence and live the life you want.
But what is scientifically backed and really works? How can you try doing things differently instead of just trying harder all the time? Here is some no-nonsense advice:
Don’t chase the alpha male mythology
First, start by knowing what not to do: avoid chasing the alpha male authority or mythology. This hyper-masculine, emotionless archetype has been overdone, and many of the most powerful men are often those who are in touch with a part of their feminine side.
You don’t have to be a dominant person to be perceived as masculine and capable. Instead, you need to act as the container for everything else and everyone else in your life. Once you can become this person, you gain their respect and trust. They begin to see you as a strong and independent person who is able to walk into any room and succeed.
Being okay with who you are, even when you’re not the loudest, can be a great advantage. Many quiet people find themselves going a long way in life simply because they’re not talking all the time.
Consider your media diet
You should also think about what type of content you’re consuming online. If you’re watching anything that makes you feel inadequate, it can be a good idea to stop for a while until you’re in a better mental space.
For example, let’s say you’re watching influencers talking about unrealistic levels of wealth or fitness. It can be hard to achieve world-class performance in every domain of your life, especially if you’re just an ordinary person. Watching these people talk about their lives and their achievements can be testing.
If you find yourself in this cycle, make a shift and start blocking, muting, or unfollowing anything that you feel is having a detrimental effect on your self-image. Make a change by doing physical things in the real world that will make you more capable. These will naturally build your confidence and show you that you can do all of the things that you want to do.
Move from mindset to motion
You’ll notice in life that no matter how much you train your mindset, it will never do anything in the real world without actual motion. You can’t think your way out of a situation that you behaved your way into. In fact, self-help and reading lots of material can actually be a form of procrastination for a lot of men who feel insecure.
Therefore, it’s best to move with something physical and tangible that you can master. For example, you might want to start a business or cook a signature meal. When you build competence in the real world, it completely changes how you operate and the rules you follow. Suddenly you begin to gain confidence and respect in yourself, which snowballs into even more performance later on.
Upgrade your internal dialogue
Another change you might want to make is to upgrade your internal dialogue. Many men get this completely wrong.
For example, let’s say you miss a deadline. Sometimes you’ll tell yourself a story that you’re lazy and you can’t get things done. Likewise, if you drop a glass on the floor and it shatters, you might tell yourself that you’re clumsy or that you always act like a klutz. When you tell yourself these stories, it’s not harmless; it gets wired into your self-perception, which then impacts how you view the way you operate in the rest of the world. It’s like having a bully in your own mind left to run rampant. Think about the consequences that would have if it was a physical bully at your workplace.
The shift to make here is not just to simply embrace toxic positivity (that doesn’t work either). What you really want is to change the narrative surrounding the things that you get wrong and your mistakes. One of the best tools is to be grateful for your mistakes as learning experiences. Many people go through the most profound shifts in their personality because they learn from the things that they’ve done wrong.
Another way to talk yourself is to let things go. For example, if you miss a gym session, ] don’t beat yourself up about it and call yourself a lazy procrastinator who can’t stick to things. Instead, just tell yourself that today didn’t work out and you’ll go tomorrow.
Change your body
Changing your body is unpopular advice, but it can be highly effective in improving your confidence. Often, once you start working out and developing your physique, it changes how you think mentally. It gives you more confidence and masculine energy.
You might also want to deal with issues like gynecomastia or poor posture. These are relatively easy to correct these days, thanks to advances in modern technology.
Even fixing your teeth can have profound benefits. Many people will judge you by the way your dentition looks, but all that is usually required is a quick trip to the dentist and a few techniques.
Change your wardrobe
Related to how you look, you might also want to explore the concept of changing your wardrobe. You don’t want your clothes to be a disguise, but rather a tool that helps you get to where you want to be in life. Instead of linking your clothes to your existing identity, think about what the best version of you would wear. Don’t wear terrible clothes that subconsciously communicate to yourself that they’re not worth the effort. Instead, find tailored items that fit you perfectly so that you’re not putting on pieces of armour every day.
Ultimately, if you’ve felt insecure for years, there is a way to turn the situation around. All you need to do is adopt a few pieces of advice that we’ve listed here, and you’ll be well on your way. Figure out what works best for you and run with it.
