Does your child go quiet when things get hard?
Many children do. They suppress it, mask it and try to deal with everything by themselves. Somewhere they picked up that if you need help, you must be weak.
Here’s the problem:
Kids can grow up holding onto that belief. Children who don’t ask for help often become adults who don’t ask for help.
The good news? You can fix it. Using purposeful words, actions, support and routine, you can teach your child that:
- Asking for help takes courage
- Talking about feelings is normal
- Strong people lean on others
Let’s jump in!
Here’s What’s Inside:
- The Help-Seeking Gap Is Bigger Than You Think
- Why Kids Believe Help Equals Weakness
- 5 Ways To Teach Kids That Support Is Strength
- When It’s Time To Get Extra Support
The Help-Seeking Gap Is Bigger Than You Think
Most parents assume their child will speak up if something is wrong.
The statistics however reveal a different reality. The most recent national survey revealed that one in seven Australian kids between the ages of 4 and 17 suffered from a mental illness. Just over half (56%) of those children accessed support in the year before the survey.
That means almost half went without support.
What’s even more troubling is that research by Murdoch Children’s Research Institute found less than one in four children identified as having an issue received professional treatment in the following 18 months. Parents often wait until a problem is severe before seeking help.
Okay so where do you begin? Often the first step for many families is booking an appointment with a child psychologist who understands kids and their thinking, feelings and language. An effective child psychologist will use evidence-based therapies to help your child label their concerns, develop coping strategies and learn that seeking help from another person is a smart strategy — not a weakness. Early intervention with a child psychologist can prevent small problems from snowballing into larger issues.
It really is that simple.
Why Kids Believe Help Equals Weakness.
Children don’t grow up thinking help is synonymous with weakness. They learn that somewhere along the way.
Think about it:
How many times did you hear as a child “big boys don’t cry” or “just toughen up”? Those little words stick with you. Children learn to conceal their emotions.
It’s particularly true among boys. According to ABS data, 54% of young females with mental health symptoms contacted a health professional. Yet only 37% of young males did.
That’s a huge gap.
Children learn by watching adults. If you never discuss stress or suffer through every rough day silently, your child will mimic you. They think quiet = the “adult” way to handle things.
Kids don’t do what you say. They do what you do.
And there’s another reason…
Lots of kids just don’t know what to say. They have these emotions bubbling up inside them, but don’t know how to express them. They end up acting out, shutting down or complaining of stomach pains instead of asking for help.
5 Ways To Teach Kids That Support Is Strength
Now for the good part. These methods are easy, free and you can start tomorrow.
Talk About Your Own Feelings First
Want your child to open up? Go first.
Tell your child small, age-appropriate parts of your day. “I was feeling nervous about my meeting, so I called my friend for help.” Allow your child to see that you have difficulties, too — and that sometimes you need others to help you work through them.
Praise The Ask, Not Just The Result
We typically reward children when they do something correct. What happens when they ask for assistance?
Why you should care: “I’m really proud of you for telling me” praises the courageous act. Not the result.
Repeat that often enough and your child begins to associate asking for assistance with feeling good. Habits are built that way.
Build A “Help Team”
Have your child sit down with you and make a list of safe adults that they can go to. This list may include:
- Parents or carers
- Grandparents
- A favourite teacher
- The school counsellor
- A coach or family friend
Post the list on the fridge. Now your child has a go-to list.
Give Them The Words
Children can’t ask for help if they don’t know the words. Teach them basic sentences like:
- “Can I talk to you about something?”
- “I’m feeling worried and I don’t know why.”
- “I need help with this.”
Practise these at home when everything is calm. The more they practise them, the easier they’ll become when it matters.
Make Professional Support Feel Normal
Here’s something most parents forget…
The way you talk about therapy will inform how your child perceives therapy. Don’t make it sound like a shameful secret.
Rather, compare it to other helpers. You go to a dentist for your teeth and a coach for sports. A psychologist coaches you through your emotions.
It makes sense, right?
When It’s Time To Get Extra Support
Sometimes love and good habits aren’t enough. And that’s okay.
The need for support is skyrocketing. Last year, Kids Helpline counsellors responded to 128,998 contacts and conducted 5,190 crisis interventions. This is up from 1,483 crisis interventions in 2018. Mission Australia’s 2025 Youth Survey also revealed one in five young people experienced high or very high psychological distress in the last four weeks.
Kids are reaching out. Make sure your child knows they can too.
Watch for these signs:
- Big changes in sleep or appetite
- Pulling away from friends or family
- Worry that stops them going to school
- Anger or tears that seem out of place
- Saying things like “I’m useless” or “nobody likes me”
If you observe one or more of these symptoms persisting for over two weeks, consult your GP or a professional child psychologist in Sydney, depending on your location. It is always better to seek help sooner rather than later.
PSA: Booking support for your kid isn’t failing them as a parent. Booking them is showing them what strength looks like.
The Bottom Line
Being a strong kid doesn’t mean never having problems. It means knowing when to ask for help.
You can teach that lesson every single day. To quickly recap:
- Share your own feelings first
- Praise your child for asking
- Build a help team together
- Give them the words to speak up
- Talk about therapy like it’s normal
Do this every time and your child learns that seeking help isn’t the same thing as being weak… It could be one of the wisest decisions they’ll ever make.
