Name: Christin Nichole City: Dallas TX | @mscnichole

Dad’s Name: Chris

Describe your relationship with your Father and how did that impact you?

My father was the one who predominantly raised me. My mother wasn’t really ready to be a mother, but my father was always ready to be a father. Because of that, he became my earliest example of what I believed an adult should be, how they should carry themselves, how they should provide, how they should nurture, and how they should show up for the people they love.

Was he perfect? Not at all. There were things I disagreed with when I was growing up, especially when it came to how a child should be raised. But as I got older, I learned to see my father not only as my parent, but as a human being, a person who was growing and learning alongside me in his own way.

He has always been an incredibly open person. He never shied away from giving me the truth, even when I was young. He didn’t sugarcoat life for me, and I think that shaped me more than I realized at the time. I always wanted to be grown. I’ve always had a strong sense of what I wanted my life to look like, and my father allowed me to see adulthood for what it really was; not just the good parts, but the responsibilities, challenges, sacrifices, and possibilities that come with it.

Not growing up with rose-colored glasses was a blessing for me. I understood certain things earlier than most people, and that awareness helped me decide at a young age who I wanted to be, how I wanted to live, and what kind of future I wanted to create.

Being raised primarily by a man is an interesting experience, especially because society has certain expectations about what a woman is supposed to learn or inherit from being raised by her mother. There may be things I didn’t experience or learn in the traditional way, but I wouldn’t change how I was raised for the world.

My upbringing gave me a different perspective. It taught me independence, honesty, resilience, and the importance of knowing who I am. It gave me a competitive edge, not because I was raised to compete with everyone else, but because I was raised to understand that I didn’t have to fit neatly into society’s expectations of me.

And honestly, I’m grateful for that.

My father didn’t raise me to become what the world expected me to be. He raised me to understand the world, decide who I wanted to be within it, and have the courage to become that person.

What’s the best thing you’ve learned from your Father?

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my father was not to repeat the mistakes he made in his romantic relationships and marriages. Watching his experiences gave me a perspective on relationships that I might not have developed otherwise. Because of that, I can honestly say that I’ve been intentional about choosing healthy relationships and solid partners. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is let go amicably and accept that two people have simply grown in different directions. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and not everything is worth fighting to keep.

What struggles did you face in your relationship with your Dad and how did you get through them?

I couldn’t stand my father as a teenager, and it wasn’t over petty stuff. He was determined that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes he believed my mother had made. Before they married, she had been a teenage mother with another man, and suddenly, in high school, my father became extremely overprotective.

I remember telling him, “Why would you be with someone you didn’t want your children to be like? Why do I have to pay for her mistakes?” We argued about it constantly, but we never really resolved it. I plotted, yes, plotted, to go live with my mother because I simply didn’t want to live with him anymore. I stayed with her until I graduated high school, which I purposely finished early so I could get to college sooner.

Once I got to college, my father moved into more of an advisory role, and honestly, the problem disappeared. He no longer felt the need to control my choices, and I no longer felt like I was being punished for someone else’s mistakes.

What has your relationship with your Father taught you about what to look/not look for in your partner?

I love my father, I really do. But I wouldn’t marry a man like him. He and I joke that he raised his daughters to be women he would never date or marry. My father likes to feel needed. He needs to be the head of the household and the provider. I’m the opposite. I’ve always been independent and capable of handling my own, so I prefer a man who sees me as a partner, not someone who needs to feel needed in order to feel secure.

Do I like a man who takes initiative? Absolutely. But I don’t need him to do everything, and it wouldn’t make or break our relationship if he doesn’t. I want a man who can stand on his own without needing me to depend on him. I also don’t believe a relationship needs a designated “head.” If I’m better at something, I’ll lead. If he’s better at something, I’m more than happy to let him lead. To me, partnership is about knowing when to step forward and when to step back. That’s where my father and I differ.

How has your relationship with your Father shaped the woman you are today?

I know the idea that women are the nurturers and men are the providers is a lie because my father was both. He taught me how to cook, clean, do my hair, dress, work hard, value education, and get to the money. He taught me that people are whole beings; we carry both masculine and feminine qualities, and we don’t need another person to complete us. Because of him, I learned that I am already 100% whole. Anyone who comes into my life is an addition, not a completion, a bonus, not a necessity.

I am a powerful woman. I am warriorlistically bold. Growing up knowing I could disagree with a 6’5″ Black man and still stand my ground changed the way I see the world. My Pan-Afrikan Judo coach once told me I let people get too close to me. My response was simple: I’m not scared. What other people may find intimidating, I don’t. I was raised to not back down, to advocate for people when they can’t advocate for themselves, and to never let things slide just because confrontation is uncomfortable. If you’re going to say something, say it standing ten toes down. Know what you’re talking about. Be confident. Be firm. But also be willing to accept whatever consequences come with having the courage to speak.

That’s what my father gave me: the ability to stand firmly in who I am. And that’s why I’ve never been particularly dainty. My presence is loud, even when I haven’t said a word.

If you could write a short letter to your father, starting with “Dear Father,” what would you say?

Dear Father,

It’s been a journey; a very different one from what I imagine most daughters experience with their fathers. Since you had me at 24, we’ve grown up together in a lot of ways. It’s been a whirlwind, but I can never say you didn’t give me everything I needed, and plenty of what I wanted.

I especially appreciate the open communication we’ve always had and continue to have. But I also have to pay homage to your father, Papa C. I know he helped set the trajectory. The relationship you had with him was incredibly progressive for the ’70s and ’80s, and I think that laid the foundation for the kind of progressive relationship we’ve had throughout the ’90s, 2000s, and beyond.

I’ve always told you this, and I’ll always mean it: thank you for letting me be me. Sure, there were, and still are, things you’d rather I not do or say, but you’ve always understood that those things are part of who I am. You let me run as far as I wanted and only stepped in when you felt I was getting close to unsafe territory. I definitely tested those boundaries, too, but somehow, we made it through. All things considered, I think we did alright.

Thank you for never making me feel like I needed to be anything other than myself. You knew I wasn’t going to listen anyway, lol. More importantly, thank you for allowing me to change the trajectory of our family.

I know stepping away from college, never working a traditional 9-to-5, and jumping straight into entrepreneurship and a world-traveling lifestyle wasn’t exactly the path anyone expected me to take. None of us knew what my life would look like. But now my siblings have gotten to see another way of living, and we’ve all found our own version of it. And, hilariously enough, you’ve even come around and hopped into the lifestyle with us.

And finally, thank you for listening to all of my rants about Black History, Pan-Africanism, and how being unapologetically Pro-Black shapes everything I do. You’ve listened to me unpack history, identity, culture, and everything in between more times than I can probably count. Because our ancestors made me this way. I am not my ancestors, I am of my ancestors. So keep the U.S. Embassies on speed dial, because you already know what kind of time I be on.