Sending your teen off to college isn’t just a step for them. It’s a step for you as well, as the parent who’s been raising them for these past 18 years.
You want them to do well and have fun, and you’re OK with letting them make their own mistakes. But at the same time, you want to provide support without accidentally becoming a ‘helicopter’ parent at a time when independence is what they need to focus on.
Straddling the line is a hard thing to do, but there is a balance! Use the tips below to help you find it.
Money Worries? Be the Last Resort
Being in college takes a lot of money, and student loans only go so far. When your child runs out of spare cash to grab takeout, they might come to you asking for more. And it’s tempting, but sometimes you need to set a boundary over money requests.
Let them know you’ll help if they really need it, but encourage them into part time work (like tutoring) to help them stay on their own two feet.
Health Worries? Be Present
When your child comes to you with a few worrying words about a symptom they’ve developed, you might be gripped by the urge to march them down to the nearest clinic.
Clearing their throat a lot? You’re worried a lung is about to collapse. Got a blocked ear? You’re telling them all about the rates of early hearing loss in young adults!
However, picking up the flu or even a case of mono is incredibly common when you’ve just started college. It’s something to be managed, for sure, but you don’t need to immediately get there to take care of them.
That being said, if your child asks for support in dealing with a health issue, be there for them.
Text them the recipe for a warming chicken soup, let them know what OTC medicines help, and simply let them cough and splutter over the phone when they need a bit of sympathy.
Academic Worries? Stay Positive
Everyone has a bit of a tough time adjusting between the high school schedule and the kind of life you live once you’re in college.
Things feel a bit looser, but the work is ten times more important to get on with. There are still deadlines to meet and plenty of resources to rely on, but it’s quite the change that comes with finally being an adult and getting to make your own decisions.
When your 18+ year old comes to you with these worries, stay positive about them. Remind them of the tough transition they’re in the midst of, and let them vent all the frustration down the phone (or over Facetime).
Sometimes you do just need to shout about it and let it out, without anyone complaining or judging! And you’re being present with them when they’re under stress, but you’re still letting them stand on their own two feet.
