It’s not easy to advocate for yourself, especially if you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy conflict at all (don’t worry, it’s better than enjoying conflict!) but of course, this is a life skill we all have to learn at some point or naother. If you don’t advocate for yourself, other people will walk over you, which is a hard truth but a necessary one.
As such, it’s important to teach our children to have faith in themselves, to be confident and speak with their backs straight, and to de-escalate conflict where they can, or to avoid people who won’t engage maturely.
However, sometimes you have to be the example for them. Standing up for your rights can take several forms, and the number one rule is to avoid losing your cool. It might feel cathartic in the moment, but it’s never going to help you.
Let’s discuss the several moments this can take:
A Mature Response To Disrespect
When someone says something out of line or crosses a boundary and for a second you freeze because your brain’s trying to catch up to what just happened. That’s usually the hardest part, the split-second choice between letting it slide or stepping in. What’s worth remembering is that handling it maturely doesn’t mean letting it go, and it definitely doesn’t mean being overly nice to avoid awkwardness.
It’s best to focus on keeping your voice calm, using clear words, not getting pulled into whatever mood they’re trying to create, and making it obvious that the line they just stepped over isn’t going to stay there. Kids watch all of this, and it tells them more than a thousand little lectures about confidence or how to “use their voice” ever could. However, sometimes you do have to make sure you’re not acting out of ego or trying to save face. It’s a hard balance to cross and we all struggle with it, but being confident in yourself will generally help you find the right pitch, as does making light of the situation.
Understanding Your Rights & Entitlements
It’s common for people get pushed around not because they’re unsure of themselves, but because they’re not totally sure what they’re actually owed. That could be in legal terms, sure, like contracts or work standards, but more often it’s social or practical. You might wonder if that refund actually fair to ask for? Or can a teacher talk to your child that way? Are you allowed to push back when the GP rushes through a diagnosis? The answer depends on your judgment. Read through contracts, your rights and entitlements, and speak to a professional service such as Forbes Law Offices if you need to escalate.
Advocating For Yourself & Not Dismissing Who You Are
There’s pressure sometimes to make yourself smaller, easier to deal with, less of a problem. Children sometimes learn to say things the right way, don’t take up space, and let things go if it keeps the peace. That can sometimes teach kids all the wrong things. If they see the adults around them pushing their needs aside all the time, they’ll think that’s what growing up means. For this reason, don’t let yourself talk down about yourself out loud, or do the same to others, or let your kids be self-effacing. It’s a habit that can be hard to break. It also shows you care about them by correcting that.
With this advice, we hope you can feel more comfortable standing up for your rights, even after being wronged.
