Unfortunately, teens who cut themselves aren’t an uncommon sight. However, making scratches and other marks with a sharp object is just one of many forms of purposeful self-injury. When you start looking for ways to stop teens from self-harm, know that physically preventing them from doing it is near impossible.
Sure, you could remove sharp objects from their surroundings. However, they’ll still find a way to hurt themselves — you simply can’t keep watch 24/7.
So, it’s more about addressing self-harm in teens on a deeper level. As a father, you’re uniquely positioned as an intrinsic authority figure in their lives. To raise well-rounded children despite the self-harm issue, you need to understand why your child is doing this and what you can do to help.
Let’s dive into this important topic.
Understanding Self-Harm — Why Do Teens Do It?
Okay, first, a small silver lining — in most cases, teens who perform acts of self-harm aren’t attempting suicide. Rather, this is indicative of deeper emotional trauma or issues that require your attention. Your child is most likely doing this to stop unbearable emotional or psychological pressures. These pressures might manifest as strong emotions, potentially triggered by broader psychological issues.
Also, we’ve become more aware of teen cutting as a society — even your child’s peers might be well informed on the topic and try to help them process their intense emotions or trauma. These days, teens don’t struggle with such issues on their own nearly as often.
Besides intense feelings, some teens perform acts of self-harm because they’ve formed a habit. As strange as it sounds, this is an activity teens can become addicted to. And it may not start as a way to suppress feelings temporarily. Depending on your child’s peers and the company they keep, this can start as a dare or challenge.
Unfortunately, regardless of how it starts and why it happens — self-harm is dangerous, even when teens don’t intend to harm themselves seriously. Things can get out of hand, and they can get quite sick from mistreated or untreated wounds from self-harm.
With this in mind, addressing the root causes of self-harm in teens is essential. And there’s a lot you can do as a father — but you need to be systematic and methodical.
Self-Harm in Teens — Where to Start as a Father?
If you suspect your teenager is self-harming, know there are always ways to help them. For starters, you need to learn how to conclusively recognize the issue, process your own emotions about the situation, and provide them with ample support.
Noticing Self-Harm on Time
To provide compassionate support to your teen as a father, it’s crucial to learn how to recognize the signs of self-harm and address the issue on time. Some of these signs include:
- Unexplained bruises, cuts, bald spots, burns, or other visible injuries
- Bloody tissues in your garbage or toilet
- Teens going out of their way to cover their body, especially in hot weather
- Refusing to change clothes when anyone else is in the room and avoiding swimming and similar activities
- Low-energy behavior or other signs of depression, like avoiding friends and family
- Feeling hopeless, useless, or generally like failures
- Blaming themselves for a particular family issue
- Flashes of anger or extreme bitterness.
Processing Your Own Emotions
Before you can address self-harm in teens, you need to ensure you’re completely calm and emotionally balanced. This can be difficult for a father, as it’s hard to accept your child is going through something like this. Nevertheless, such issues are an essential part of life — and strong emotions are a completely natural reaction.
At first, you’re likely to feel shocked — followed by intense anger and disappointment, possibly coupled with extreme sadness. This is all normal, especially if your teen didn’t immediately bring up the issue with you. As a father, you might feel betrayed that your teen didn’t feel comfortable telling you about the problem — or guilty that you didn’t notice it before.
However, you need to understand a few things to address self-harm properly. First of all, you need to avoid the blame game entirely. It’s not your child’s fault they’re going through this. And it isn’t yours or your spouse’s fault that you didn’t notice.
Pointing the finger at your teen or anyone else in the family won’t create a supportive environment.
To be of any help, you need to tone down your negative emotions about the issue. That goes for all emotions on the subject, period. You need to handle them on your own, but not in front of your child.
Talking to your own therapist, going out with a friend, or simply having a cry are all ways of dealing with the issue. Just don’t do it in front of your child.
Inform Yourself on the Subject
Once you’ve stopped feeling overwhelmed, you can focus on the practicalities of the issue and start addressing it properly. The first thing you need to do is to learn everything there is to know about self-harm. And no, one blog post won’t be enough. Talk to professionals and ask them for more in-depth info — and literature recommendations so you can delve into the topic in-depth.
Finding Professional Help and Communicating
Once you’ve started getting into the weeds on self-harm in teens, you’ll realize that finding professional help for them is the most important thing. You should never try to solve a problem without the assistance of a qualified expert with plenty of experience with teen’s mental health.
That being said, bringing your teen to therapy may not be an easy task — depending on how much they’re open to the idea. That’s why you need to communicate with them openly and explain the benefits of mental healthcare in their particular situation. They’re less likely to improve if they don’t go to a therapist with an open mind.
Unfortunately, no one can tell you what precisely to say to your child. But that’s fine because the specific words are far from being the most important thing. It’s more about how you say it and which emotions you’re displaying in the process.
Ensure your child knows you love them and understand them and that you want to help them with their pain. Don’t judge them at any point, and they’ll be more responsive to your ideas.
Conclusion
Besides finding professional help, addressing self-harm in teens requires a father’s understanding and patience. If you start addressing the issue with an open mind and heart, you’ll also provide some much-needed relief to your teen. And in the long run, they’ll be more likely to take your advice seriously.
