Tell us more about who you all are and what you do?
I’m most know now as content creator but outside of sm I’m a Relationship Counselor, Life Coach, Mindfulness Instructor, Community Enrichment Specialist, Podcast Co-Host with my wife Wife for “God, It’s Me Again” as well as panelist on “Tonight’s Conversation” Season 5 and of course Artist who is just returning to music after a 10 year retirement.
What inspired you to write the song “Daddy Issues”?
“Daddy Issues” came from my own pain as a father who had gone from spending every single day with my son to half the week for 2 years once me and his mom split to only 7 months a year when she abruptly changed plans we had been making for years for her to be in Atlanta & my move to Houston which was largely based on being able to be closer to my son. There was already tons of drama that ensued after we split and her overall disdain for me in ways that weren’t fair or justified. But when I became a long distance dad suddenly things got even more strained and I found myself at the center of what so many fathers are dealing with daily in this generation. The more convos I had with men the more I realized this is an epidemic that needs more light shed on it so I used my story to do so
What do you want Dads to take away from listening to your new song?
It may sound like I’m bashing my son’s mom if you aren’t really listening and I def do get some things out that i had been holding in for a long time which was part of my healing process. But ultimately I take accountability for my choices as well and I highlight the fact that families are ordained to become family. I believe we choose we each other on a soul level so even when your coparent may be pissing you off to no end or doing things that you don’t feel you deserve, it’s ultimately pushing you to grow. When I made peace with this I was able to release a lot of anger and even be grateful for all the strife because it made me a stronger, wiser person and a better Dad even from distance.
Who are you as a Father?
I’m an extremely hands on Dad and I lead with love, affection, attention to detail and intention. I create a lot of structure for my son & have always spoken to him as a peer. I’ve been reading him esoteric books from infancy, showing him documentaries on quantum mechanics and philosophy, while also maintain the balance of making sure he’s able to be a kid. He knows how to meditate, do breathwork, regulate his emotions with the best of em already at the ripe age of 6. I do my best to protect and preserve his innocence while instilling the wisdom he will need as a black men in America when he comes of age. I Kiss him a lot, hug him a lot, have a lot of man to man convos with him. I’m always looking for creative things to do with him and he knows when he’s with daddy for the summer and extended vacays everyday will be an adventure
Define the importance of what a Father x Son bond means to you?
I realized early on he is just as much my teacher as I am his. He has taught me so much already and I feel my willingness and openness to learn from him too has made him more confident in what he has to give to this world and it’s allowed us to connect so strongly that even when we go months at a time apart there is no love lost. A father son bond is best when it’s reciprocal and not just a dictatorship. When the fathers understand that Life itself is our children’s true parent. We are just the conduits to make sure our kids get what’s needed from life. So when I was pulled away from him I understood eventually that life hadn’t been pulled away and was teaching him things Thru my absence that he wouldn’t be able to get thru my presence
Any advice to other dads who are co-parenting and missing their kids?
Use that time where you may be missing your little ones to meditate, to go within, to cultivate your own personal relationship with God. Cuz at some point even our kids will be taking from us, or grow up and not be as available, at some point we will be too old Or transition even. Our relationship with God is the only thing that will remain constant if we cultivate it. That’s what I lean on when I miss my son. I also advocate that we don’t try to hide our emotions. That we express them, are honest about what we feel even with our kids. My son and I have had full blown convos about how difficult it can be to be apart. It helps both of us. And then also find ways to still impart love to them when you don’t have access. Call as much as you can. Send letters. I’m writing a personal book for him called “Things I Want You to Know” so when he’s ready he will have all the lessons I wasn’t able to give him in person written down. Every now and then I just add pieces to it. Lastly give yourself grace and allow yourself to live your life. “I deserve to be happy from healing Thru all this strife”
When kids are kept away from their fathers, what impact does that have on the kids?
It can be life altering if not handled with care. All the statistics show how detrimental it is for kids development who don’t grow up with a dad consistently in the home. Fathers are meant to be the source of order, structure, confidence, safety. When these are not available our children tend to be left to navigate early life without them which I’ve seen have lasting effects on us as adults. Small behavioral issues can quickly turn into consequences once kids get to school and then reports are written based unconscious responses to Dads not being consistently present that funnel many of our kids into the school to prison pipeline. Especially with our boys. As a boy dad this is something I’m already fighting with my son’s school. Because when he’s with his mom there hasn’t been as much structure or respect, she’s don’t things very different and he behaves differently with her. She has had a tough time gettin him to respect her, not hit her or have tantrums when he never does any of that with me. But as much as I’ve asked to be the custodial parent she refuses to go that route so he goes to school where she is. And all the moving around, being watch by different, family members, waiting for her to get off work has taken a toll on him. He has gotten better tho but it’s not always the big glaring negative effects. A lot of times it’s the small stuff that mounts up in ways that can impact their future
When kids are kept away from their fathers, what impact does that have on the father?
It’s devastating. I was In grief for a year prior to moving to Houston even when I thought he would be in Atlanta which I would still have been seeing him weekly. And then when things changed a week prior to my move to houston and she decided to stay in Nj it was like I had died as a father and had my son stolen from me. It impacted me so much emotionally I started to have health issues, heart aneurysm was detected, high blood pressure had returned after being stabilized for 15 years, etc. Most Dads don’t even know about “Paternal Post Partum” which we unconsciously experience after birth. Is what like I went thru that to the highest degree. Crying damn near nightly for a long time. I was emotionally exhausted. I was angry. Rageful even. But I did my best to tuck all that in and just focus on the Logisitcs of being a Long distance dad. Like I said in the Song “Travel expense first year alone 11k”. I often thought about dads who may not have had the means to spend that type of money, and if I didn’t I really would have become an afterthought to my son most likely. We are constantly in a fight to just be the fathers God ordained us to be in these situations. It’s enough to break a man. Even more reason I knew “Daddy Issues” was so important.
Where can people listen to your song and watch the video?
People can hear my song “Daddy Issues” streaming on all platforms and download, like, favorite everywhere from Spotify to Tidal and all the platforms in between. The official video can be watched on YouTube
Tell people what’s next for you, how they can follow you, etc?
I’m preparing for the release of my project “Yaweh” (Yes, All Wounds Eventually Heal) slated for release in 2025. It’s my most personal project ever and the subtitle is “The Book of Buddha” because it describes my journey from who I was to who I am now. We are also gearing up for our next Healign Retreat in Tulum, Mexico that we we do annually so if any of yal are interested hmu on sm @Brick_Citi_Buddha on Instagram, Facebook & Threads
