When people talk about being there for their family, the mind often jumps to big, impressive ideas like cooking dinner from scratch every night or planning fun-filled weekends, or perhaps solving all problems calmly and with loads of wisdom… but the truth is that most of us are just trying to get through the day without making too many mistakes or getting too stressed, so it’s often harder than we might think.
In reality, showing up for the people we love doesn’t have to be about doing everything, and it’s more about being present, consistent, and taking small steps that mean you’ll feel like you’re really doing something – that’s what’s going to make all the difference. And if you want to do that, you’ve got to take better care of yourself, otherwise it’s going to be much harder than it really should be. With that in mind, keep reading to find out more about the little things that help you show up better for your family.
It’s Okay To Start Small
There’s a certain pressure these days to get things right all the time, and to be totally efficient and always emotionally regulated. On top of that, you’ve got to have a tidy house, be calm all the time, eat healthily, and so much more. The problem is that while all these things are definitely good, life is often very busy and hectic, so they’re hard to do and when you don’t do them you’ll feel guilty and as though you’re falling short somehow. That’s just going to make you feel worse.
What if you could pause the pressure for a minute? And that’s possible because in the end, you don’t have to do it all – you just have to show up in a way that works for you, and that you can be consistent about. So that might mean an extra five minutes of calm before the day starts properly, or noticing when you need to step back for a moment and take a break, and so on. It’s these ‘small’ choices that really do add up to something much bigger and better.
After all, when we look after our own wellbeing in small, manageable ways, it changes how we engage with the people around us, and it’s very often these little changes that help us show up more fully for the people we really do care about. Doesn’t that sound like it’s worthwhile at least exploring a little further?
Rest Isn’t Selfish
One of the biggest challenges a lot of us face is feeling like we need permission to take a break, especially because there’s always something else to do or someone else to take care of – there are just so many tasks that have to be done, so how can you possibly take a break anyway? Wouldn’t that just be a selfish thing to do?
Well no, it wouldn’t. If you just try to keep going and do everything, it really doesn’t help anyone at all in the long run, and you’ll just burn out and not be able to do anything at all. The fact is, you’ve got to have space to breathe and think so that you’re not just reacting all the time. And when we talk about resting, we don’t necessarily mean that you’ve got to have a nap (although if you need one, have one – it makes sense). We just mean it’s best to be still for a little bit, and maybe do something you enjoy rather than something you have to do.
Sometimes it can also mean shifting your focus for a little while and giving your brain something different and fun to concentrate on rather than work or chores or general life admin. It could be reading, taking a walk, playing a fun game of online poker, and so on – as long as it helps you unwind, it’s the right thing to do. You’ve got to remember that these kinds of activities aren’t just distractions (although they can do that, which isn’t bad), they’re also things that can help to reset the mind, and they’ll help you feel so much better once you enjoy them for a bit.
Why Your Energy Matters
It’s easy to overlook how much our energy impacts the people around us, and although we might think we’re hiding the stress well, pushing through as needed, and just doing what has to be done, the reality is that the people we live with – especially children – tend to pick up on more than we realise, so once again, by trying to keep going when you really shouldn’t, you may well be causing more trouble than it’s worth.
Think about it – when we’re tired or overwhelmed, we’re quicker to snap, slower to listen, and less able to connect. That’s normal. It happens. And the problem is that it means we feel guilty, and other people bear the brunt of it through no fault of their own. However, when we create space to check in with ourselves, through rest, routine, or small rituals, we’re better equipped to respond better and be nicer people (and nicer parents, which is vital). That’s got to be the best route to take.
In the end, all this isn’t about being a perfect version of yourself, and instead it’s about giving yourself the chance to show up as a version that feels calm, steady, and able to listen without distraction because that’s just better for everyone in the household and everyone you happen to interact with in general.
Quiet Time Helps Everyone
Families really do need plenty of connection, but it’s also true that they need some space sometimes, and it’s absolutely okay (vital, even) to take time for yourself when you need it – it’s actually something that can set a healthy example because it shows your children that rest is important and that they don’t always need to be ‘on’ and social (it might end up being quite a relief for them to learn that). Quiet time is valuable, and everyone needs it, so the more you can show that, the better.
Of course, taking a moment away is definitely not the same as checking out altogether, it’s just a time to step back a little so you can gather your thoughts and energy and come back to the situation in a much better mood so you – and everyone else – can enjoy it much more. You might not realise how much you needed a few minutes to yourself until you’ve had them, and then suddenly everything that’s going on will feel a lot easier to handle. And if it helps, here’s another important thing to be aware of – taking care of yourself isn’t the same as not being there for your family, and you don’t have to choose one thing or the other. What it is is giving them a better version of you, so it’s important to make sure you do it for everyone.
Show Up In Small, Steady Ways
Being there for your family isn’t about big moments, although doing nice, fun, memorable things together once in a while is great, and if you can make time for that on occasion, it’s worthwhile. But when it comes to really being there regularly, it’s more about the small ways you listen, and the times you pause what you’re doing to answer a question fully – even if that means you’ll have to work a little bit later on to catch up, or spend time researching something to get an answer (because it’s important to say you don’t know something if that’s the case). And it’s about the way you stay calm when things get chaotic (or at least try to). In the end, the way you respond with kindness when someone needs more from you than you were expecting to give says everything about you, and if you can do it rather than snap or refuse (unless that’s absolutely necessary), it’s going to mean a lot.
Now we know that those things aren’t always easy, but they’re easier when you’ve taken care of your own emotional needs, even just a little. When you’ve had a break, your mind has had a rest, and your body has had everything it needs, whether that’s sleep, food, water, exercise, or something relaxing. In other words, take care of yourself, and showing up for your family will become a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable.
Final Thoughts
It’s crucial to know that no one gets it right every day, and showing up for your family doesn’t mean you’ve always got to be happy and fun or have all the answers – sometimes it just means being there and being involved.
The way to do that consistently isn’t about putting yourself under loads of pressure or feeling horribly guilty – it’s about the little things you do for yourself to ensure you’re in a place where you can be part of things. So, if you’re wondering how to be more present for your family, try starting with helping yourself and taking care of your own wellbeing – it’s amazing what a difference that can make.
