The challenging part was finding the words to share with my three beautiful daughters that I have MS
My wife has often remarked that I have no “high highs” or “low lows.” I am perpetually in the middle, she says. I do not get excited about events or milestones or feel down about setbacks. I agree with her assessment in many ways, though it could be another way of calling me boring. However, as I sat in the patient portal, anxiously waiting for news about my health, I wondered if this would be an actual test of my emotional state. After all, it is easy to remain indifferent about trivial matters, such as who won the latest game or released a new song. However, when it comes to your health, the stakes are undeniably higher. When my doctor finally uttered those life-altering words, “Mr. Clarke, I believe you have MS,” I learned something crucial about myself. My wife was right; I did not cry, gasp, or frown. Instead, I found myself in a state of quiet contemplation, simply saying to myself, “I have MS.” I accepted this new reality with a sense of calm, knowing that it was just another part of my journey.
The challenging part was finding the words to share with my three beautiful daughters that I have MS. I have always had a special bond with my daughters and an open and honest relationship with them. Sharing the news was both painful and liberating. Calling an impromptu family meeting, I mustered up the courage to share this important news. I hope other Black fathers will read my testimony and feel empowered to share their health status with family and close friends. Black men have some of the worst health outcomes in the U.S. and many times fail to share with their loved ones their health status.
Most often, people hear about Cancer when discussing potentially debilitating diseases that can ravage an individual’s body and mind. However, few are aware of the challenges that many diagnosed with MS endure. Just within the last few months, I have met several Black men who have been diagnosed; they keep their health status a secret and suffer in silence. I decided to publicly announce my diagnosis on my social media platforms to bring greater attention to MS and to share my personal experiences, hoping to connect with others who may be going through similar challenges. Sharing personal experiences is crucial, as it can help us feel connected and understood in our struggles.
Although my diagnosis was a few years ago, I still remember those words and the flood of questions that filled my mind: What does this mean? What will my life look like moving forward? I had heard of multiple sclerosis—MS—before, but it was just a term without a clear meaning for me. The first thing that came to mind was the late Richard Pryor. I vaguely recalled that he had struggled with MS, but my thoughts quickly shifted. Why was it that it took me so long to connect his story with my diagnosis?
The name Montel Williams then surfaced in my mind. He was, after all, the only other person I could think of who had openly discussed living with MS. As I continued to reflect, I realized that my understanding of MS was limited. What exactly is it? Will I end up in a wheelchair? What does this mean for my future? Despite these questions, I did not feel overwhelmed with worry.
My coping technique has always been considered the worst-case scenario, and in this case, I imagined myself in a wheelchair or perhaps relying on a cane to get around. The thought of losing my mobility was daunting; it would undoubtedly change my life in significant ways. However, even as I pondered these possibilities, I found comfort in the realization that it was not the end of the world, but I decided this would not be my fate. I quickly scrubbed those images from my mind but understood that whatever my fate was, I would get through. Life is often perceived in extreme joy and sorrow, success and failure—yet a steady middle ground has always characterized my existence. Maintaining a balanced perspective, I was reassured that I could face life’s challenges without being overwhelmed by fear or anxiety. This diagnosis, while serious, did not shake my foundation. Instead, it reaffirmed my belief in the meaningfulness of life, even in the face of uncertainty. In the days that followed, I began to educate myself about Multiple Sclerosis. I learned that it is a chronic disease that affects the central nervous system, but its manifestations can vary widely from person to person. Some live relatively everyday lives with manageable symptoms, while others face more significant challenges. This variability offered me a glimmer of hope. I realized that while my diagnosis was a part of my story, it did not define me. It’s crucial to maintain a balanced perspective, as it can provide reassurance and calm in the face of uncertainty.
Marc Clarke is a husband, father of three, author, and veteran media personality.
