Vladimir Louissaint Says Being a Father is Fun, Challenging, Humbling, and Hilarious

Name:

Vladimir Louissaint City: Boston, MA | Instagram: @_vladlouissaint

What does being a father mean to you?

Being a Father to my two year-old son is fun, challenging, humbling, hilarious, intense, revolutionary, and edifying all at the same time. I’ve dreamed of being a Dad for as long as I remember, and even as a child I was driven to make use of my experiences, and change the legacy and trajectory of Fathers in my bloodline for generations to come.

Describe your experience with your father growing up and how that impacted you today.

My Father and I had-and have-a complicated, yet cordial relationship. My Father did the best that he could with what he knew; and because his Father was not there for him, he developed his own father wound that greatly impacted our lives. My Father was abusive in many ways, and for the first ten years of my life, our household was rife with daily arguments, conflict, familial division, and emotional neglect. My father wound was created when my Mother explained to me that, their relationship took a turn for the worse because my Father did not want me to be born. This devastated my self-esteem and thrust me into a viscous cycle of self-deprecation, people-pleasing, depression, and suicidality. in 2022, while attending a men’s conference in which the theme was “The Father Wound,” I finally experienced true forgiveness for my Father-something I thought that I would never achieve-and it changed my life.

What things/tools/gems did you take from your experience growing up into your Fatherhood journey today?

Forgiving my Father unlocked several powerful revelations that inform my mission today:

1. Trauma and unforgiveness between boys and their Fathers is rarely acute; rather, it is both a subconscious and conscious transgenerational pattern.

2. Men MUST be in community with, and engage in healthy male relationships, if we have any hope at being successful in our lives. The only way through, is with each other.

3. I deserve to HEAL, and my son deserves to experience a HEALED Father.

4. Vulnerability is every man’s superpower.

5. Trauma does not have to be transmitted; it can be transformed with the right mindset and systems of support.

Have you had any obstacles on your fatherhood journey? If so, explain.

I had a great FEAR of not being a good Father, and being doomed to repeat the same stories my Father, Grandfather, and other men in my family had.

When my son was born, my mental health took a plunge. I found myself struggling to get through each day, and I was even scared to be alone with my newborn son. I would later be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder; a diagnosis that provided me with clarity and direction that I am thankful to have today.

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What advice would you give other Fathers on their journey?

Link up with other men and build a network of brothers you can turn to, ESPECIALLY Fathers you admire. Create and seek safe spaces where you can speak your truth, and lay bare all of your insecurities without judgement. My prayer partners and network of brothers were my legs that helped me climb out of my rock bottom.

Your ability to love your son to your fullest extent is inextricably linked to how your love yourself-real talk! Men get their identities from Fathers, therefore a father wound damages your self-image. Do what you have to do in order to find peace and EMBRACE yourself!

If you could write a quick letter to your father, starting with “Dear Father,” what would you say?

Dear Father,

This is your son, Vladimir. Thank you for giving me my name. You once told me that you chose it because it was synonymous with “power” and “leadership.” Whether you know it or not, you were on to something. We haven’t had an easy journey together. So much trust has been lost between us. At times I have lashed out at you, out of the pain of your rejection, a pain that birthed the lie that no one would ever love or accept me, because my Father didn’t. I now know that because your Father hurt you so deeply, you never learned how to cope with the void he left inside of you, and consequently, it destroyed so much in and around you. We have hurt each other in ways that have profoundly changed us, for reasons that undoubtedly have preceded us. As hard as it was to forgive you, I am grateful to God that I have. I hope that in the grace that I have extended to you, you have also forgiven me, because you deserve to have peace to that end, we both deserve to experience what greatness we can in our relationship, in the time we have left together. While you have hurt me, you have also taught me, both directly and indirectly, and I appreciate that. I remember how you taught me how to ride a bike; you threw away the training wheels and refused to let me give up. Through many scrapes and falls, you repeated the words: “always believe in yourself.” I’ve struggled, Dad, I really have; but I hope it brings your heart some solace that finally, I DO believe in myself. I am grateful to have known you, I am grateful for my son to have met you and known you, and I love you.

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