Name: Eric Marsh City: Philadelphia | Instagram: @marshericsr
What does being a father mean to you?
Being a father has literally saved my life and shown me my purpose for living. Being a father is about being a guiding light for our children, helping them see their future. Being a father is about serving as a calm, loving encouraging force, giving our children guidance and support while teaching them to be good human beings.
Describe your experience with your father growing up and how that impacted you today.
The day I learned the most about my father and gained the most respect for him was the day of his funeral. Before that day, I only knew of my father through a few, brief memories of random visits and alcohol inspired phone calls. My father passed away when I was in my early 20’s. He lived in South Carolina in the family home taking care of his 90 year old mother. When I arrived the day of his funeral my aunts and uncles, some I had never met before, embraced me and marveled at how much I looked like my father. rom my hands to my walk, from my voice to my demeanor, “Oh you look just like Teddy!”
After the service I was led around the house and saw pictures of him when he was my age. The striking resemblance was undeniable. My uncle told stories of how great he was with the harmonica. “Better than Stevie Wonder” he praised. Someone put a cassette in the radio and pressed ‘Play.’ It was a recording from a church service where my father was playing a harmonica solo. The sound was hypnotizing and ethereal. The stories my family shared with me painted a picture of a funny, talented, complex man who was dealing with many challenges throughout his life. It left me with the understanding that we never know what someone is dealing with or has had to carry with their spirit in life. I could see and understand his battle with alcoholism, his distance from me and my mother and most importantly I could see myself in him.
What things/tools/gems did you take from your experience growing up into your Fatherhood journey today?
Fatherhood has been the most beneficial learning experience of my life and continues to provide insight and wisdom. My first lesson was one that I learned from having an absent father but a loving mother. That was, to give my child all the things that I thought that I had missed when I was growing up. To provide not only materialistic things but to give them experiences and opportunities I never had or missed out on.
Another lesson is to teach and guide them with love and patience. Often times we fathers want to teach our children, especially our sons everything they need to concur the world and not be a victim of it, but in attempting that we can be overbearing and hard on them, actually harming them more than the actual world. Leading with love and patience and some fun gives our children the emotional security they need to be successful in life.
Have you had any obstacles on your fatherhood journey? If so, explain.
I have definitely had several obstacles on my journey of fatherhood. In fact, I could argue that the very nature of fatherhood, particularly for Black fathers has inherent obstacles built into it due to how society looks at and treats us. My earliest obstacle was that of a single father. I gained custody of my oldest sone when he was just 2 years old. While I am one of the rare and fortunate cases of a Black man coming out ahead in family court that time, I still faced obstacles with getting services like insurance and welfare for my child. In my work I faced a weird kind of reverse sexism from my predominately white male counterparts who couldn’t understand how and why I would be raising a child on my own. Years later after I married and had 2 more children, I faced the obstacles of being a self-employed business owner with a stay at home wife, struggling to pay the bills and having differing parenting styles. After we lost our home and separated I closed my business and struggled with depression for months before I could put my life back together. Now years later I am facing the obstacle of family court, custody and child support despite having been an ever-present and positive figure in my children’s lives. The road of fatherhood is filled with obstacles and yet, it is the most important road a man can travel.
What advice would you give other Fathers on their journey?
If you could write a quick letter to your father, starting with “Dear Father,” what would you say?
Dear father, I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you when you were alive. I learned too late so many good things about you. Your brothers and sisters shared stories and pictures of you that changed my respect for you after your death. I learned about the deaths of some of your siblings when you were young and imagine how that must have hurt you. I learned about the alcoholism and how many of you and your siblings struggled with it. What kind of pain were you dealing with that would cause you to drink yourself to death? You’ve missed out on so much. Between your 3 children you have 11 grandkids now. I’ve learned so much from you without you even knowing. Most importantly I’ve learned to be there for my children no matter what. Love, your son Eric.
