From the moment you have kids, you start to gain a whole new perspective on everything your parents have done for you and taught you. As grandparents, they probably play a very different role in your family unit than they used to.
Some grandparents are strict disciplinarians, while others seem to delight in spoiling their grandchildren. Another difference in their role in your family is that they no longer need to care for you. In fact, you may find that things turn around and you take on more of a caring role for your parents.
It’s important that you make sure that your parents are looked after when they get older, in part so that you can teach your children how to be empathetic and understanding of people. This isn’t a case of hoping that your kids will follow your lead when you get older, although that doesn’t hurt. This is another opportunity for you to demonstrate your worth as a person and a father, as well as an opportunity for your children to learn.
So, how can you appropriately take care of your parents when they get older?
Communicate With Them
You can’t successfully take care of anyone unless you know their needs and their wants. As people get older, their needs and health can change rapidly. Or it can deteriorate gradually, but it’s still changing.
The only way that you can find out what your parents and other older relatives need is to communicate with them. Ask them what they’re struggling with and listen. Some people find it difficult to tell others about their problems, especially their children, so make it clear how important this is and how they are helping you by being open and honest.
Plan Ahead
As well as talking about your parent’s current needs, consider their future needs.
Do your parents know what they want if they are unable to look after themselves in the future?
If you set a plan sooner rather than later, things will become much easier to cope with for you and your family. This is an important step if your parents are diagnosed with a degenerative condition, but it’s a good idea to consider it even when their health is relatively good.
This will allow you to alter their care according to their needs. For example, even if your parents can’t live independently due to their health, they may be able to manage with visits by carers and nurses to tackle some household chores. Or it might be more appropriate for them to stay in an assisted living apartment block or a nursing home.
Even then, some nursing homes cater to different needs than others. Do your research for the best care.
Allow them Dignity
Just because your parents might have added needs, it doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve dignity. On the other hand, you should do what you can to give them as much dignity and respect as possible.
Growing old is an inherently undignified process. It can be very difficult for people to accept new limitations, especially when they’re unable to do something they used to love. Another challenge is that the friends and family of your parents may pass away, which can lead to loneliness, depression, and anxiety about their own health.
Older people can suffer more from mental health problems, and they might not be equipped to deal with them due to the stigma that used to surround mental health care. If you take care to provide a little bit of dignity and respect, you can do them the world of good.
Keeping the lines of communication alive is one way to provide this dignity. Give your parents a say in their care, don’t just steamroll over their preferences with what you think is better.
Be Firm When Necessary
However, as has been mentioned, older people sometimes aren’t completely honest about what they’re going through. This is perhaps because they want to stay as independent as possible and don’t want to be a burden, which are both admirable reasons.
Unfortunately, this attitude can lead to your parents getting hurt, especially if they aren’t able to look after themselves properly. It’s especially dangerous if they suffer from neurological conditions like Alzheimer’s or dementia because they might not be aware of their needs.
So, it’s important to balance the dignity and respect they deserve with the care they need, even if it means being firm sometimes.
