Name: Kia Cunegin City: Atlanta GA | @intentionalfrequency
Dad’s Name: Stephen, Coty, Keith
Describe your relationship with your Father and how did that impact you?
I have three fathers, my biological father, godfather, and step father. My relationships with them all have impacted me tremendously. One of the most obvious ways was how I use to approach relationships. On one hand they all are ladies men. They take care of women, treat them nice, do nice things, etc. so I grew to expect men to show up the same way for me. Though they were caring in that way they all had a lot of women but the women often did not know about the others. So I grew to expect all men to cheat and it would take a while to feel special or feel like a man’s efforts were genuine. They all are quite unique people and have always unapologetically been themselves, I operate in the same capacity today. These relationships have made me stronger, more resilient, and helped me open my heart more.
What’s the best thing you’ve learned from your Father?
To unapologetically be myself and with hard work and dedication I can be/do anything I put my mind to.
What struggles did you face in your relationship with your Dad and how did you get through them?
Being let down multiple times by my biological father through the years was extremely taxing emotionally. Since I was young I would communicate to him how he made me feel though. Even though his behavior patterns became predictable the older I got, I still find myself deeply hurt when he would fall short. As I began to do work on myself though and began to expand my mind and heart I began to look at my relationship with him differently. Rather than taking the way he showed up personally, I realized that the way he showed up was more about him and his internal state than it was about me. No matter how it felt he did his best so rather than being bitter or holding on to things, I gave him grace and understanding.. Took him and the others off of what I consider the “parental pedestal”. Things changed for me exponentially when I did so. One of my fathers was abusive to my mother, I ended up being in an abusive relationship when i was younger..
What has your relationship with your Father taught you about what to look/not look for in your partner?
They have all taught me that if a man wants to he will, period. That if someone’s words and actions do not align to believe their actions. As a result of them I highly value a honest/direct man, one who I am comfortable being the same with.
How has your relationship with your Father shaped the woman you are today?
Made me stronger, more resilient, and open.
If you could write a short letter to your father, starting with “Dear Father,” what would you say?
I would not be the woman I am today if it was not for you three and all we’ve been through. The highs and lows have all been pivotal to my growth and for that I am deeply grateful. Thank you all for doing your best, for loving me, believing in me, pouring in to me, and being open to having difficult conversations with me.